Archive for Email Forewards

Humor From The Bulletin

I recently received two HILARIOUS emails.  The subject of the two was religious but I am going to share anyway they are so funny.  I laughed so hard at the following that I cried.  It is so true.  I have read many a bulletin that could be misinterpreted or have a little typo that creates total hilarity…. ENJOY!

They’re Back! Those wonderful Church Bulletins! Thank God for church ladies with typewriters. These sentences (with all the BLOOPERS) actually appeared in church bulletins or were announced in church services:
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The Fasting & Prayer Conference includes meals.
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The sermon this morning: ‘Jesus Walks on the Water.’ The sermon tonight: ‘Searching for Jesus.’

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Ladies, don’t forget the rummage sale. It’s a chance to get rid of those things not worth keeping around the house. Bring your husbands.

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Remember in prayer the many who are sick in our community. Smile at someone who is hard to love. Say ‘Hell’ to someone who doesn’t care much about you.

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Don’t let worry kill you off – let the Church help.

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Miss Charlene Mason sang ‘I will not pass this way again,’ giving obvious pleasure to the congregation.

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For those of you who have children and don’t know it, we have a nursery downstairs.

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Next Thursday there will be tryouts for the choir. They need all the help they can get.

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Irving Benson and Jessie Carter were married on October 24 in the church. So ends a friendship that began in their school days.

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A bean supper will be held on Tuesday evening in the church hall Music will follow.
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At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be ‘What Is Hell?’ Come early nd listen to our choir practice.

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Eight new choir robes are currently needed due to the addition of several new members and to the deterioration of some older ones.

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Scouts are saving aluminium cans, bottles and other items to be recycled. Proceeds will be used to cripple children.

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Please place your donation in the envelope along with the deceased person you want remembered.

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The church will host an evening of fine dining, super entertainment and gracious hostility.

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Potluck supper Sunday at 5:00 PM – prayer and medication to follow.
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The ladies of the Church have cast off clothing of every kind. They may be seen in the basement on Friday afternoon.

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This evening at 7 PM there will be a hymn singing in the park across from the Church. Bring a  blanket and come prepared to sin.

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Ladies Bible Study will be held Thursday morning at 10 AM . All ladies are invited to lunch in the Fellowship Hall after the B.S. is done.

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The pastor would appreciate it if the ladies of the Congregation would lend him their electric girdles for the pancake breakfast next Sunday.
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Low Self Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 PM . Please use the back door.

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The eighth-graders will be presenting Shakespeare’s Hamlet in the Church basement
Friday at 7 PM . The congregation is invited to attend this tragedy.

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Weight Watchers will meet at 7 PM at the First Presbyterian Church. Please use large
double door at the side entrance.

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The Associate Minister unveiled the church’s new campaign slogan last Sunday: ‘I Upped My Pledge – Up Yours.

Being a member of my church choir, I well know of the need for numbers.  Our choir is sorely lacking in the male voice area.  We have maybe 5 men and probably 15 ladies voices.

Mine Is Edgerton High School, Class of 1992

Here is a fun email I received from my cousin who shares my alma mater as well as the year I graduated.  Some of the questions brought a chuckle as well as made me think.  See if it does the same for you.

Fill this out about your Senior Year of high school! The longer ago it was, the more fun the answers will be!!  FORWARD  (or post in comments) with name of high school and graduating year in the subject box. Send this to all your friends, but don’t forget to send it back to me.
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1. Did you date someone from your school? No

2. Did you marry someone from your high school? No

3. Did you car pool to school? No… walked out the front door and was there

4. What kind of car did you have? Ford Fairmont… the brown beast

5. What kind of car do you have now? Pontiac Sunfire

6 . It’s Friday night…where are you now? In high school?  Usually at a sporting event

7. What kind of job did you have in high school? worked in grocery store

8. What kind of job do you do now? the same… go figure

9. Were you a party animal? Do i seem the type?

10. Were you considered a flirt? Occasionally

11. Were you in band, orchestra? Yes – band

12. Were you a nerd? Darn right and proud of it!

13. Did you get suspended or expelled? nope

14. Can you sing the fight song? Yes

15. Who was/were your favorite teacher? Mrs. Curtis, Mrs. Peters, and others

16. Where did you sit during lunch? usually at home

17. What was your school’s full name? Edgerton High School

18. When did you graduate? 1992

19. What was your school mascot? Bulldogs

20. If you could go back and do it again, would you? Absolutely not.  Although I enjoyed high school, I am having way too much fun in the present.

21. Did you have fun at Prom? Yes

22. Do you still talk to the person you went to Prom with? No, though I would if I ran into her.

23. Are you planning on going to your next reunion? Most likely.

24. Do you still talk to people from school? A few people

25. School Colors? Maroon and gold

26. If you could do 1 thing differently in high school, what would it  be? Follow my heart instead of my head when deciding what career path to choose.